The Eight Happiness Essentials: LOVE Edition
The $9,000 Decision I Almost Did Not Make
Earlier this year, I lay awake well after midnight with a decision I could not stop running through my head.
Nine thousand dollars.
A business expense I needed to approve before May 18th, against every other number I was already carrying. The closer the date came, the louder the math got.
Most mornings, I do the things often associated with self-care: I hike. I practice tai chi and qigong. I meditate before the day starts. These practices help keep my body loose and my mind clear.
That night reminded me that self-care and self-love are not quite the same thing.
Self-care is what you do to care for your wellbeing. It is the time and attention you give your physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Self-love is how you treat yourself when life gets difficult.
It is the voice you hear when fear gets loud. It is the grace you give yourself when you get something wrong and the compassion you offer yourself when you do not know what to do next.
The number was not going to change before morning. Neither was the uncertainty. So I breathed slowly and let the spiraling thoughts come and go without following each one.
Then I said the same three words:
You got this.
I know. Not very original.
It worked. Eventually, I fell back asleep.
You may know your own version of that middle-of-the-night moment, when fear gets hold of something that matters to you and will not let it go.
What do you say to yourself then?
That may be where self-love matters most.
Fear and uncertainty can remain long after you wish they would leave. You do not need to know how everything will turn out to treat yourself with compassion in the middle of it.
By morning, I knew what I wanted to do. I approved the expense.
There was no sudden certainty that I had made the right decision. I simply felt clear enough to make it.
Maybe that is where self-love begins: with how you treat yourself when you need your own kindness most.
